The Key to Resilience Lies in the Future and the Present

Dear Fearless Friends,

Some weeks ago, my husband ordered a large piece of gym equipment, and it came wrapped in a thick protective ‘polyfill’ sheet (the synthetic fibre used for stuffing pillows or duvets). After he unwrapped the ‘power tower’ (which is now trying to defend itself from rain on our terrace!), we were basically left with this large ‘sheet of fibre’, essentially the size and thickness of a full-sized duvet or camping mattress. This was packaging material that was ‘waste’ and destined for the landfill. But I couldn’t bring myself to throw it out, knowing that it would do no good to the environment, and since it had already been produced, the best thing we could do was to keep it in our home and find a good use for it. I decided that it could probably make a nice mattress topper or be perfect for camping or as extra bedding if we ever needed it.

Great intentions! A win-win vision!

And I had even better intentions!

This ‘duvet’ was comprised of layers of polyfill compacted together, but it was not stitched or bound together on the sides. And I knew things could get messy quite quickly if this fibre started coming apart and flying around everywhere! So I decided to invoke my handy sewing skills, and announced that I would sew around the perimeter and seal it in properly and convert this waste item into a useful household good! And I was actually quite looking forward to this simple but nonetheless creative activity. 

And after a few days, I got on with it! I brought out my sewing kit. Threaded the needle. Sat myself down comfortably with this giant ‘sheet’ on my lap. And started sewing. It was fun. The skills learnt in childhood came back to me. I even used a complex ‘lock’ stitch to do the job really properly! I was enjoying it.

I got about half a meter in.

And then my thread ran out! It was a complex stitch with doubled up thread required, and whilst I was doing a good job, I wasn’t doing it fast. I felt deflated, I hadn’t made much progress at all. The rest of the perimeter stretched out endlessly seemingly endlessly.

It would take me ages to do it! Well, this was a task for another day.

And so I left it ‘for the time being’. And then for another day. And then another week. And then a couple more weeks. This giant piece of polyfill sheet that was supposedly in the midst of a transformation just lay in our living room in the midst of an identity crisis for about a month. My husband would ask if he should throw it out, and I would say no. He would ask me if I was going to do anything with it, and I would say yes. But it just sat there in a lump and loomed large in front of me. But I couldn’t face this project. Great vision, but I was already feeling defeated.

This past Sunday, we had a clear-out. And this was really my last chance to do something for this poor duvet, or hold my peace. I thought about just putting it away as it was, but knew that it would just go into that ‘under-the-bed’ abyss and never see daylight again. So this was it. I had a choice. Do now, create my vision. Or give up and consider this a failure with good intentions….one of those “It was a good idea. I tried. It wasn’t meant to be.” moments.

I decided to go for it and go all in. Hubby rolled up his sleeves and came in to support. He started threading needle after needle. I started working fast and sewing side after side. And there I was…nearly done…just one more side to go!

Or so I thought.

I was actually just half-way in. When I thought I was so close to ‘achieving my vision’, I realised I actually had a lot longer to go than I thought. It was a disappointing feeling. I wanted to give up.

I’ve had this feeling before. In many different circumstances….

You climb a mountain and you think you’re nearly at the peak, then you realise there’s still more to climb.

You think you’ve done all it takes, then you have a setback and realise there’s so much more to do.

You think you’ve done a great job and are expecting a reward, instead you get feedback that there’s a long way to go.

You think you’ve resolved a health crisis, or at work or in your personal life, and then more issues turn up.

Things can often feel hardest at the point when we think you’ve gone as far as we could, and then realise we need to go further still.

So how do you keep going in those moments?

My husband helped me figure this one out. He urged me to keep on going, telling me I was ‘nearly there’ (even when I wasn’t, bless him).

What I realised was this: I was feeling impatient and tired and bored and hopeless because I was benchmarking myself in that moment against where I needed to be in the future!

I decided to keep the end state in mind, but just sew ‘one stitch at a time’. I didn’t need to do any more than that. I went into a ‘zen’ like state.

I even took a break, not judging myself for it. And then found myself naturally coming back to my ‘duvet’. Because I didn’t ‘have’ to. But I wanted to.

And I’m pleased to report that shortly after, it got done! Actually, those last two sides were probably my fastest and best work.

This little ‘exercise in completion’, as my husband called it, taught me a lot.

Whatever results we want to create, there is a part of us that fears that we don’t have the strength, skills, power, ability to create it all, bit by bit, in its natural due course. So we try to rush through it now, or force the outcome, or even give up.

All we really need to do is stay connected to our vision, trust that we have it in us to create it, and pace ourselves to do all that we can do now...no more, and no less.

We are at our most resilient when we stand on both feet. When we keep one eye on our vision and yet stay present with where we are now, without judgement or worry. When we lean towards what we would love in the future but stand firmly on the ground where we are now. 

How you stay resilient?

How you keep creating your vision, even when you feel you can’t do more.

How you stay strong, healthy, happy, even when things seem stacked against you.

How you adapt to what is, but still stay true to who you are.

How you also allow yourself to not be strong or happy and sometimes perhaps also not healthy.

I’d love to hear from you! 

With love,

Stuti